The “but” in me

Each time I look in the mirror, I see her stir  so deep into me so I try to hide.I run so far, far from her bulgy red eyes cause she knows me.She still gives me the unbelieving look of a sinner. She makes me feel flity like a pig who can never be like the fairest horse.

I get the chills… that cold feel of rejection as her presence brings more pressure than the biggest pump. She raises her threats as high as the mont.everest and makes me feel lower than an ant but all I do is still run.Run from her as my heart beats faster than the speed of light. 

She is my past.I have a past. A past I guard with all that is left of my heart not because I don’t feel sorry for the wrongs I have done but because they look so scary.
Everybody has a past; he whispered..

But mine keeps chasing me; I replied

Give me your fears, I have your future in my hands; he said

God is telling you right now, come as you are, he can handle your weakness, he can handle your past, he can handle the pain. He is up to the task!

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